Moving

Hi, everyone. Since we are no longer adopting Rose Carly and since this was the third baby girl we were "supposed" to adopt, I decided to move my blog and name it for we live. My new address is dogwoodtrailfarm.blogspot.com . Please come visit me there. Thanks!

Our Thankful Tree

We started doing this several years ago beginning around November 1st. The tree is made of plain brown paper and the leaves out of construction paper. Every time we think of something we are thankful for we write it on a leaf. I encourage the kids to search beyond the obvious. Whenever we have guests, we ask them to please add to our tree. After Thanksgiving, when taking it down, I go through the leaves and save the most meaningful or sentimental ones for the next year. I place those at the bottom of the trunk like already fallen leaves. It's alot of fun and a reminder to truly be thankful for life's blessings.

Everyone has been so sympathetic and supportive throughout our whole adoption process. I am so thankful. Unfortunately, when I woke up this morning I had the blues. Before long I had worked myself up into a real pity party. We committed to adopt Kaflaure on March 1st. We started gathering our paperwork before that. So it has been almost 9 months since we started. It's such a long process and we can't seem to make any progress. I just kept getting these mental pictures : the first was that I was on a racehorse that I could not get to go through the starting gate even though the race had already started and many of the horses were already half around the field; another was of me trying to paddle a canoe across a lake and I kept getting caught in a whirlpool and going in circles; then I thought about paying "mother may I?" and I kept getting the go one step forward and two steps back while everyone else was getting giant steps or bunny hops. I have quite an imagination and decided I had better get up and quit dwelling on my adoption woes.
The kids and I have been studying for a couple of weeks about cheerfulness/joy in our daily family devotions. The last few days it has been about having joy in the midst of troubles and trials. Caleb remarked the morning I told him of Rose Carly health issues that "isn't it timely that we should be studying about having joy even when things are bad and now we find out about Rose Carly?" How true. I decided today would be a good day for me to review the past lessons on my own.
Well, this week we saw God answer prayers with Rose Carly. Today I received a monthly newsletter from a minister I truly respect. He reminded me that God sees the future and He has a plan for my life, my family, and this adoption. I am not sure who we are going to adopt, if we are going to adopt, or how long it will take if we do but He does. It's all under control. I just have to let go.

How quickly things change. A wonderful family, who has amazingly just brought home 2 haitian angels in September, has stepped up to say they would also like to adopt Rose Carly. We are delighted that they will be continuing on where we could not with that sweet baby girl. Now that she has been diagnosed, she will start on meds. The family is hoping to expedite their adoption so they can get her home and involved with early intervention therapy. So many people have been praying for Rose Carly over the last few months. It's exciting to see how God answers those prayers.

Sad News

We recently got an email from the adoption facillitator of our orphanage. I felt the same sense of foreboding as in the past. She started the email with "It's painful for me to have to tell you this but I must." Her news was that our sweet little Rose Carly has been diagnosed with Graves Disease. When I shared it online, I had a few of the moms that have spent time with her to say they think that she may have some other serious medical issues. We are so very sad for her. She is very responsive. One mom told me she had only to smile at her from across the room and she would smile back. She is so precious.
We have decided not to pursue our adoption with her. We are praying that a special family who is more prepared to meet her needs will step up as we do not feel that we are able.
I called Marie, the orphanage director, about the situation. She sounded as discouraged as she did the night she had to tell me that our Kaflaure had been taken away. She truly cares for the children and their adopting families. We discussed everything for quite sometime. She explained that she had been concerned about Rose Carly and had held our file until she had a diagnosis. The older Rose Carly got, it was more evident that something was wrong. Marie was watching the baby and had to keep taking her back to the doctor for testing before she was diagnosed. She had not shared her concerns with me so I was antsy about the hold-up with our file. I am so thankful for her wisdom and perseverance. I received an email from Marie telling that she loved me and Rose Carly. I do believe she does. She wants the best for us all.
Rose Carly's future is uncertain with several possibilities. I would ask everyone reading this to pray for her when you get finished reading this. She seems to make an impression on everyone who meets her. Please pray also for Dada, her surrogate mom/nanny. Whatever decision is made will touch her also and she loves Rose Carly dearly.
As for us, well, we are waiting again. We lost our Kaflaure and Marie referred us baby Nerlande. Unfortunately, she was so severely malnourished and fighting TB that Marie was concerned for her life. She felt we needed to wait for another referral. When Rose Carly's former placement fell through, we happily acccepted that referral. We could just imagine her as a part of our family. When I told Scott about Rose Carly's health issues, he asked me if I thought we should just give up. If it were only for us, I would maybe say yes. The reason we wanted to adopt from Haiti in the first place was to offer a child a chance she would not get if she stayed in her situation. That has not changed. There is still a little girl out there that needs us. I can't explain why we are having these experiences. I do know that now there are three precious little girls that are in my family's hearts that we pray for daily. I never received a picture of Nerlande but the other two are framed and sitting on a table in my bedroom with my other children. They sit as a constant reminder that they are real and have needs and I refuse to ever forget them.

We live in the country on 10 acres on top of a mountain. It's gorgeous and we have lots of privacy. We love it. Across the road is a pond and pasture with pretty little miniature ponies. To our left is a beautiful horse farm. On our right, on 20 acres, is my sister and family ( husband, 2 bio adult kids and 5 adopted kids 17 and under who are african-american). The road we live on is a dead-end road about 1 1/2 miles long with only 6 neighbors. It's a relatively quiet area with little traffic. Our kids have the whole outdoors at their disposal. Between our two families, we have enough for just about any sport or game they want to play.

In the fall, one of their favorite sports is what we call "hillbilly sledding". Today was perfect for it. They each found a large piece of cardboard. They moved about to different hills and slid or surfed down in the leaves or pinestraw. It's hillarious! They have a blast. We don't get much snow here so this is second best. I'll try to get some pictures next weekend when they go to the big hill on the back of our property.

Rose Carly's November Picture

The open door policy at PAC is such an incredible blessing. There is such a large group of families adopting from PAC that almost every month someone is visiting. The moms are sweet and try their best to take at least one photo of each child or include them in a group photo. All of the families at home are like vultures stalking the yahoo group or the snapfish photo site waiting....waiting. Considering that I probably won't get to go back for another visit and actually meet my baby girl before our adoption is final, pictures are all I have of this precious little life who will one day be a part of our family.

It's also fun to see how the other children are growing and thriving. Many I recognize from my visit in May. They all look healthy and happy. It's interesting to see orphanage life in action. I have not been to the new PAC 2 so I love to see the pictures from there. I print off various pictures to keep for Rose Carly's scrapbook. I usually print off one of the visiting family with their child. It's amazing how attached and connected one can feel with someone they have only conversed with online. Rose Carly should be less than 2 when she comes home so she probably won't have a great many memories of Haiti. I want to have lots of pictures of the orphanage and the wonderful families that were truly a huge part of her adoption journey.

Family Pictures

We got our pictures back over the weekend. I think they turned out pretty good. We had a lot of fun doing them anyway.

Soccer is finally over as of last night. In the recreational league, Noah's U-6 team came in 3rd in his division and Lucas' U-14 team battled it out to come in 1st place. Caleb's team came in 3rd in the state in the division 2 league. We are so proud of them all.

We are all battling the sniffles after being out in the breezy fall weather for days and nights on end. Fortunately, with the drought we are still having, the weather was beautiful. I am not a sports lover until it's one of my kids out there and then I can scream and cheer with the best of them. I guess it's part of being a mom.

Soccer Season

Caleb taking a breather

Noah taking a break between quarters.

Lucas, a goalie, in action!

The fall is exciting for many reasons and one of them, for our family, is soccer season. All of our kids play recreational soccer. We practice twice a week and games on Saturday. It's great exercise for them and an excuse for me to socialize with friends I don't always have time for. By this time of the season, though, I am growing weary of all the going back and forth( remember we live out in the country) and I am ready to have my weekends back. Normally we have 4 kids playing so it makes for a looong Saturday. Lexi was asked to assistant coach an under-8 team (her brother's) so we only had games x's three this year.

Fortunately, we are in the midst of tournament week. Hooray! It's double elimination. Lucas' team won by a landslide - 11 to 0. Being the compassionate woman I am, I felt they needed to stop scoring. My husband says I just don't understand. Noah's team won by three points and he made one of the goals. Excellent beginning games. Caleb was recruited from his team by a "traveling team" a few weeks ago to be a guest player for their tournament. He will be heading out Friday with Scott for an intense tournament weekend a few hours away.

No matter how the scores end up, it has been a fun season. It's almost over and our Saturdays will be our own again.

Ahhh Sunday

It's Sunday. I am trying to imagine when Rose Carly is thrown into this equation.I hit the floor running if I want to make sure the family gets to Sunday school on time. The five chihuahuas go out first then the kids are encouraged to "rise and shine" as I turn their lights on in their eyes. While I am doing a quick breakfast, the older boys let the chickens out of coop, feed them, and give the goats hay while Lexi takes over the chi's. Noah feeds the cats and the our outside dog. Scott puts his pillow over his head and tries to snatch a few more minutes of sleep in all the commotion. He realizes it is futile and drags himself to shower and then starts ironing his and Noah's clothes. I always plan to give Noah his bath and wash his hair the night before but somehow it usually doesn't happen so I herd him to the bath when I can find it empty. Scott and I fight over the last half hour in our bathroom. It's usually a family competition to see who is the last one ready and making us late. I have to admit it's usually me but I always remind everyone I was up first and had to help everyone else. Today, added pressure - we had an appointment with this terrific photographer we go to church with to do family portraits. Our last family portrait without our Rose Carly I might add. We have a great service and head off to lunch at our favorite Mexican restaurant before our appointment. The session went great. I'll add the pics next week since he puts them all on a cd. Finally home. Scott and Lexi head off for naps, Lucas to the tv for football games, Caleb to play around on his electric guitar, and Noah outside to play cowboys with my niece Molly Grace. I of course make a beeline for the computer to check my PAC emails and write in my blog. I try to imagine Rose Carly fitting into this kind of day. It will be more hectic that's for sure... and I can hardly wait.

New Pictures!!!

LOOK AT THOSE SMILES!

Amy P and Laura B just got home from visiting their little ones. I sent an outfit with Laura for Rose Carly. She gave it to Dada and she dressed her for pictures. I am ecstatic! I love to think about holding those clothes and knowing my baby has them on so many miles away. Another first for our family is getting to see a smile. When Addie was there last week, Rose Carly was sick so there weren't any smiley pics. We are so thankful for all these thoughtful moms.

My friend, Jenny, has just recently gotten home from Haiti with her little angel Jeff. She gave me my first report about Rose Carly and I have several pictures of her holding my baby girl. When she came home she brought with her a copy of Rose Carly's birth certificate and lab report. I received that in the mail this weekend. I just held that birth certificate to my heart in wonder. I can't really explain how I felt. This piece of paper made her and this adoption seem more real than even the pictures have. I could not read it but it was a very personal part of my new daughter's life. Fortunately, our minister of foreign students is from french speaking Togo, Africa. When I showed it to him at church yesterday he offered to translate it for me. I can hardly wait to get both back in my possession.
My friend Addie just returned from visiting her two angels Loveline and Davidson. When she returned home she called to share her trip. She gave me the sad news that my little one had been very sick during her visit. Being the compassionate person she is, she kept her at the guesthouse with her and bathed her until her fever broke. She cleaned her stuffed up nose the best she could and fed her a bottle. When she took her back to the O Marie was home and she immediately medicated her. I could not be there to take care of my baby girl but it meant so much to me to hear how well she was taken care of in my stead. Thank you Addie for loving my little one and sharing that story.
I know this will not be the last time I mention the wonderful adopting parents from PAC.

Wonderful Adopting Moms

When we began to consider adopting from Haiti, I joined an incredible online support group. Most everyone on there is adopting from our orphanage PAC. I was impressed from the beginning by these incredible women. They are so informative and caring. When I decided to go to visit Kaflaure over Mother's Day, there were at least a dozen other moms from the group planning to be there on that day. Some left the day after and some of us planned our stay for the week after. I met some amazing ladies and made some friendships, I believe, that will continue on long after our adoption is final. When we found out about Kaflaure's health issues, many of the women contacted me personally with info or put me in touch with someone they thought could help me. When we lost Kaflaure, I was so impressed with the compassion in all the emails.
One mom I have never met but I speak to her on the phone on a fairly regular basis. She has recently brought her child home but continues to offer her support. When we were waiting on a referral for a baby girl, one of the U.S. moms contacted one of the Canadian moms whom she knew was going to visit her children. She asked her to be on the lookout for our baby while she was visiting. My phone buddy was also there to pick her little boy. She said everytime someone brought a child to the orphanage, she prayed that it might be our baby girl. I'll say it again - these women are INCREDIBLE. There are many I have yet to meet. I can only hope to have the honor of crossing paths with them one day too.

Tinkerbell

It's Breakfast!

The day we got Tinkerbell

My son Noah and I head out every morning to the sound of Tinkerbell crying for her morning bottle. Tinkerbell is a Nigerian Dwarf goat unlike the Pygmy goats we raise. She came to be a part of our family under strange circumstances. While we live out in the country, we go to church in "town". Our church is bordered by a large baseball complex, woods, another church and a busy road. One afternoon while checking my emails ( the PAC group) my sister calls on my cell phone. She says with a giggle "The church is trying to get in touch with you- there was a baby goat crying at the back door and they want you to come and get it." What?! I called the church back and my pastor answered the phone. He is prone to practical jokes so I was waiting for the punch line. He was serious so my husband dropped by on the way home from the office. She was tiny and looked to be about a week old. Poor baby - it took 2 1/2 days of patiently working with her ( and some force feeding with a syringe) to get her to take a bottle. Now it takes all of 60 seconds for her to inhale it. She is a real sweetheart. For the first several weeks she didn't walk she flitted and bounced hence the name Tinkerbell. We are coming to the end of her bottle days and I feel a little bittersweet. Like our children they have to grow up sometime.

Yes They Do Grow Up

Our oldest daughter is about to turn 16 on Saturday and just recently got her driver's permit. She was in no hurry so we did not push. I encouraged her to ask her dad or my niece to let her practice instead of driving with me. Unfortunately, I could not get out of it today. I had no excuses left. It was daylight and we were not in a hurry to get home. We were on familiar roads. I so badly wanted to say no. You have to understand what exactly she was asking before you judge me too harshly. We live on top of a mountain. The road going up is very winding and has two hairpin curves. Most people who come to visit the first time ask if there is a different way out. There is, it just takes longer. I laugh and reassure them it's not a big deal when you get used to it. Today, I said " Are you crazy - that road is dangerous with all those curves!" I was really nervous and trying not to grip the armrests. Well, we made it. She actually did fine. Unfortunately, my oldest son reminded me he will be fifteen in 3 months and will be driving next. I think I might require tranquilizers to attempt that ride.

And Then There Was Rose Carly

Dada and Rose Carly

Rose Carly

After waiting for over 2 months for a baby girl, it finally happened. I received an email from the orphanage facillitator. She said the family that was committed to Rose Carly changed their minds and were we interested? WooHoo! Absolutely yes!!!! Isn't she a doll? We could not be more pleased. I have heard she loves to be held and is very vocal about it. She has the special attention of young Dada who lives with Marie and helps out at the orphanage while going to school. Rose Carly adores her in return. She is the one who named Rose Carly after a french soap star.

Sweet Kaflaure

Feeding My Little Bird

Sweet Smile!

Nothing takes God by surprise

A couple of weeks after my return from Haiti, I got an email from Stephanie, the adoption facillitator. She had received Kaflaure's lab report. There were some abnormalities concerning her liver. I felt the breathe knocked out of me. I wasn't sure what it all meant- I just knew my little girl was sick. I did not know if she could live a long normal healthy life. I called Scott at work and tearfully told him the news. After the shock wore off a little, we decided to educate ourselves the best we could. I made an appointment with our pediatrician. We researched the internet and spoke with every person in the medical profession we could. Until we got her home, we would not know exactly the severity. We felt at peace and proceeded on with our adoption. She was our daughter, what else would we do?
A month later, I felt that same sense of foreboding when I received the message that Marie, the "O" director wanted me to call her in Haiti. I could tell by the tone of her voice something was terribly wrong. She explained what had transpired that day. Kaflaure's mother, in anger, had taken Kaflaure with the plan to leave Port au Prince. Marie sounded as heartsick as I felt. She told me she had people out looking for them to try to get Raymonde to bring her back. We agreed that I would call back the next night for an update. I called several nights but the news was the same: they could not be found. All I could think was that sweet little girl, my little girl, was gone from our lives.
Scott, myself, and kids were terribly saddened but our resolve was the same. We still wanted to bring home a baby girl who needed our family. I called Marie back again and told her our decision. This time we would wait on Marie to refer us a baby girl.
Kaflaure's picture still sits in it's place on the table in my bedroom with our other children's pictures. I look into those big brown eyes and remember. The kids and I pray for her often, for her health and safety wherever she is. God knows. He sees. And I remember - I will always remember.

and the story continues...

Scott and I both spent extra time in prayer over this exciting adoption adventure. It was a loooong month waiting for Scott to say he felt it was right for us to do this. We just prayed during that time - we did not discuss it. I know that God gave me this scripture during that time: Ephesians 2:10 " For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Scott spoke first saying he felt after this time that God was saying "adoption is a good thing". When I shared the scripture I felt God had given me, we felt we were all in agreement.
I went back to the PAC website and saw there were no baby girls ( under 2 years). After 2 more weeks of looking at the children and reading posts on the support group, my friend Amy said " There's a new little girl on the website. Go look!" I did and my interest was definitely piqued. Her name was Kaflaure and she was adorable. At 2 1/2 she was older than I had planned but I was smitten. Her hair had an orange tinge and she had dark circles under her eyes. The picture was taken on the day she was left at the "O" and she looked so sad. Scott and I kept going back to that picture for several days and then we just knew. She was ours! We sent in our committment money and I started on the paperwork with a vengence.
My friend, Amy, made reservations for a Mother's Day to visit her 3 kids at the same "O". Scott said that would be a good time for me to go when I would have a travel companion. Hooray - I was going to meet our little girl! It was hard to wait. I told a friend, Susan, I was going and she said " I would love to go with you!" The next day she made her reservations. That worked out beautifully since Amy decided not to go.
I did not quite make it with having my dossier completed to take with me that week. Despite that, I had an incredible visit. Kaflaure was shy for maybe an hour. After that I was her "mama" and she was quick to let the other kids know that. She had me wrapped around her little finger.
I met her mother, Raymonde - a sweet young girl. She stayed maybe 1/2 an hour. I dressed Kaflaure up to visit and she looked beautiful. I passed Kaflaure to her to visit. She smiled and spoke quietly in her ear and pushed Kaflaure back to me saying something like " Go to your mama". I held her for a few minutes then pushed her back to her mother. I thought she should have a chance to visit. Raymonde pushed her back to me in a minute saying the same thing again. The "O" director translated for us a little.
Kaflaure and I had a great week. I fell in love with that child. I was overwhelmed with the thought of having to leave her for such a long time. It was not in the plan to go back for another visit. She loved to sing so I would sing Jesus loves me and she would sing it back to me. It was precious. I rocked her to sleep that last night while singing Jesus loves me and praying for her. I passed her to the director with one last kiss on her sweet cheek and the promise that I would see her as soon as I could. I came home with a heavy heart -missing her so much already. A month and a half later we got the news that her mother had gotten upset about something and had taken her away. Our little girl was gone. We have had no news of her since.
More later....

I am learning how to add pictures! This is my wonderful husband and myself.

IN THE BEGINNING... Scott and I knew before we got married we wanted to adopt. Although we did not discuss it, we both were thinking of children of color. We also hoped to have biological children. Less than a year after our wedding, we got to know a single black teenage mom who was pregnant again. We fell in love with her baby girl and then her new baby boy. She had many issues and within a year had given us custody. She then became pregnant with #3 and asked us to adopt him. Within a year after his birth, we adopted all three at the same time. She remains a part of our family although we do go through extended periods of time when we don't hear from her.

Most people assumed we adopted because we could not have biological children. They did not understand that we had never even tried. We had three young children and my husband was content. I had people tell me I would feel differently about a biological child. I knew it was not true but I was afraid others (non-family) might so I was unsure I ever wanted to get pregant. When our youngest was 2, I came off the pill because I hated taking it. Less than a year later, I got pregnant with twins. Unfortunately, I miscarried one and then lost the other a month later. I realized then that I really did want to experience "pregnancy". I convinced Scott to let us try and have at least one baby. A year and a half later it happened. I was pregnant again. This time I had an incredible healthy pregnancy and delivered a baby boy. Those people were wrong - we love all our babies equally.

Our youngest is now seven. We have a daughter and three sons. I just felt that we were still supposed to have one more girl. One pregnancy (and delivery!) was enough and I still had that dream of international adoption. I tried for several years to convince Scott we should adopt again. He always said "if God brings another child into our lives that needs us like our first three- I am willing but I am not going looking for it." I would let it go for a while but it kept coming back. Then I heard a friend was planning to adopt 3 children from Haiti. I called and heard her story. Incredible! I invited her over to hear some more. Scott can't stand to think of anyone being hungry. When she left, he said "Maybe this is the time to adopt that baby girl." I nearly exploded in ecstasy! The very next day, I started making phone calls- Scott started fasting and praying. I knew already if he agreed to adopting that it had to be God. A month later, Scott said we could begin our paperwork.

More later on our adoption story...

I decided it might be fun to have a blog to document the time we spend waiting on our adoption of our precious Rose Carly. I am not very "good" with the computer so this has been quite a growing experience for me.